The Transition Years: How to Nourish Yourself When the Kids Are Grown

00:06Hi everyone, welcome to Baby Steps Nutrition, a podcast that focuses on nutrition, health, and wellness for families of children of all ages and stages. I'm your host, Argavan N., a pediatric dietitian and mom of two young children. My goal is to bring you impactful information that you can apply every day in a simplified, practical form to make life easier.

00:35Now let's get into today's conversation. Today, I'm thrilled to introduce today's special guest, Leigh Marshall, a talented chef, dedicated nutritionist, and passionate advocate for nourishing families through food. Hi Leigh, a warmest welcome to the Baby Steps Nutrition Podcast. Thank you for having me. I appreciate being here and I'm really excited.

01:01And as you know, I was just sharing how the stars are aligned and we were meant to connect a little while ago. So I'm super thrilled to have you here. When I first came across your work, gosh, I think it was over a year ago, I knew I wanted to have you on the podcast. So I'm excited to have our conversation today. Thank you. I'm excited as well. I have been following you for a little while and earlier this year, I was super excited to connect with you.

01:32So I'm ready to connect with your audience and give them some information that I think will be super helpful. Awesome. And you know, this is a topic I've started thinking about now that my kids are older and I have a teenager who's going to high school next year. And seeing how some of my friends have gone through this empty nester stage and you've been through it.

01:56So this transition to empty nest can often bring unexpected feelings of loneliness or loss. And I'd imagine that after years of putting our children first, this phase is an opportunity for us to refocus on our own personal well-being. And that part of that is eating nourishing meals, which is an act of self-care, as you and I both know, as nutrition professionals.

02:24I 100% agree with you. I don't think a lot of people really think about being an empty nester as a form of grief. And honestly, it really is. This is actually a time where I encourage clients to really take an invitation to rediscover who they are, just kind of outside of being a mom. If you really think about it, your kids don't need a perfect mom.

02:51They really just need a healthy and thriving example of a mom. And the only way to do that is to really focus on yourself when they're no longer there. You've spent years on making sure they get to where they need to go or making sure that they have the food that they need. Or making sure that they're emotionally and physically stable in everything that they do.

03:19So you really don't think about yourself. Well, this is really the time to reclaim your own version of yourself and kind of rewrite your own identity on your own terms. Yeah, and I think that's also the blessing and the curse. Because as we know, when children are younger, we could be on autopilot. And the days are really 24 hours a day, seven days a week where you're on all the time. And as our kids get older and they start to sort of separate from us, that gives us more time to think.

03:49And so that is something I think that a lot of us can have a hard time with, right? Just sitting with your thoughts, sitting with your feelings, figuring out, okay, what is here for me in this next stage of my life? And so I'd love if you can talk to us, take us back to your own transition years and what that was like for you when you had to go and shift from focusing on your kids to focusing on yourself.

04:15Wow. Although it wasn't long ago, but at the same time, it definitely was a long time ago. My two oldest boys are now 20 and 22. So it's been a little while since they've left to go to college. I think with my first son, I don't think it really hit me.

04:42You know, you still got one at home and you're excited about him going to do big things. So you drop him off at school, you give him some words of encouragement, some do's and don'ts, and kiss him, hug him, cry a couple of tears, and then you're gone. So it's not really that bad. At least it wasn't for me. But with my second son, it definitely was. I actually share custody with my ex-husband, with my children.

05:09And so kind of them being in and out was a little bit of a normal thing. But for them to be completely gone because my youngest son was definitely, I'm out of here. I've gotten used to not having my brother around me all the time. And I don't need to be here all the time because my parents get on my nerves. Yes. So I'm done. Being honest.

05:33Yes. Definitely. So it really was a huge shocker for me. And honestly, I don't think I understood how big of a transition it was until maybe a week later. And the reason I say that, not just from an emotional standpoint, but I went through a really huge health challenge. And part of that was the amount of stress that I was under that caused that health challenge.

06:02And that stress came, part of that stress came from knowing that I no longer had both of my boys with me. Wow. That's a lot to process for sure. And so with a lot of the things that you said, Lee, you know, women can feel a sense of loss of identity or purpose, especially when child rearing, raising their kids, and sometimes setting ourselves up for those unrealistic standards can take up most of our life really for a long period of time.

06:31So what would you say to someone who is currently in that space of navigating this uncertainty? It's okay to choose you first. It's also okay to explore and find things that really work for you. But at the same time, I also found myself really stepping into this, that season, or just this season as a whole, more into my faith.

07:07Although I'm a preacher's kid, or also known as a PK and grandchild, and I was reared in the church, you know, I think at certain points in your life, you really start to pick up on your faith. And for me, like, not separating the grief that I was going through, not separating my nutrition and not separating my faith was a really big thing in trying to figure out how to pull them all together.

07:36So I would tell you, you know, it's okay to explore, but it's also okay to really peek into or hone in onto whatever your faith is, or whatever your belief system is to really just kind of hone in on that, because it really does take you through a lot. I love that. I love that. And as both of us being nutritionists, I have to ask you, how do our needs shift as we age, really?

08:03I mean, that is a word that we have to say here, but it's really, like you said, changing from season to season. Well, if you think about it, most people who are going through this transition of being an empty nester, you're usually on the top side of your 40s, right? Yep. And so you start to not only just go through grief changes, you go through life changes, you go through your body changing, your moods changing, just kind of everything is.

08:41And so that's the time where I really try to tell people to really focus on what you're eating, because it really does have a huge impact. So if you just really think about things like protein, or not even just protein, just your skin and your hair. Like we as ladies, we love to pay attention to our skin and our hair more than anything. And because this is the time where you're changing so much, you start to really see those changes that just happens in general around this time.

09:13So we're looking for all the external fixes. Let me go and get collagen pills or powders. Let me go get shampoo that has extra protein in it, because it'll help my hair look better and get stronger. But really, that starts from the inside out. So adding more protein to protect your muscles and the elasticity of your skin and the way that your hair helps get stronger.

09:42Paying more attention to the fiber that you're putting in your gut. It's just like a garden. Your flowers need fertilizer in order to grow, and your body needs good fiber in order for the bacteria to grow properly, in order for it to help your weight as your system operates. Adding more magnesium and omega-3s to calm your nervous system.

10:10Like, these are things that you really want to pay attention to as you're getting older, because these things also affect the way that your mood is. And we really can't ignore the shifts that we're going through, because really, it's just going to keep you in a feeling or a season of being stuck. But these are the ways to really unlock the energy that you're looking for that's going to help you create a healthy mood. Yes, and this is where a lot of people say, well, I eat and do the same amount of exercise I used to, but I feel awful.

10:42And as you just addressed, it's because our needs increase in so many ways as we get older. So we can't do things the same way or get by in the same way that we used to, fortunately and unfortunately. So there has to be a higher level of intention and awareness when it comes to especially food choices. Definitely. And if someone were to ask you your list of go-to meals or your favorite ingredients that you sort of fall back on, that help you feel nourished and energized, what would you say those are?

11:20So they definitely eat or change from season to season. I'm 100% personally a seasonal eater. And depending on who my client is, I kind of steer them that way as well. For a lot of really great reasons. So I kind of pick and choose my battles when it comes to that conversation. But right now in the season that I'm in, I'm really focused on foods that are boosting my mood.

11:49Because right now, honestly, if I'm being honest and transparent about the current season I'm in, I'm having a very hard time with consistency with my health and wellness just because of some loss that I've gone through. So the only thing that I know that I do have a handle on is the foods that I eat. And if I know that I'm constantly in a season of grief and my mood being lower than it normally is, I'm going to eat towards those things.

12:16So I have found myself absolutely loving for breakfast every morning scrambled eggs with a sprinkle of blueberries and cilantro. I love cilantro. If I can put cilantro on everything, I can. You know, people have a love-hate relationship. And I think most people hate it. And I'm like, I eat cilantro like it's salad.

12:42So I'm glad that you said that. I agree. It is definitely a love-hate relationship depending on who you are. I think more people out of the U.S. have a love relationship with cilantro than those who are natural citizens of the U.S. But I have literally have been obsessed with it lately. It boosts my mood.

13:08It gives me the antioxidants that I need. It's the freshness of the cilantro and the blueberries just make me want to smile on the inside and the outside. It's something I wake up looking forward to, if nothing else, every morning. If I can keep myself off of social media or my emails and text messages before I do anything else and go straight to that, my mood's really pretty good for the rest of the day. Now, I haven't had those two things together.

13:35So that I will admit. But I love those two things, period. So now I'm going to combine them because this is a tip coming from you. So I'm absolutely going to add that to my morning routine. So thank you for that. It's perfect. And especially if you eat anything outside of your home the night before, it helps clear out your digestion. It helps with heavy metal cleansing, keeping you kind of calm.

14:01Like, just cilantro and blueberries are, like, everything. So, yes, that's my go-to in the morning. And then I also have taken a lot to pumpkin seeds in this season and also really have taken to sweet potatoes, which are also really great things at the same time to help boost your mood. So those are kind of, like, the things that I've been really focused on a lot.

14:29It's funny. I actually post, I think, this morning or yesterday. I don't remember which one it was. About some of the seasonal food for the month of October and then what their health benefits were. And those are some of the things on there because they have been my go-tos lately. I'm definitely going to share that with our audience. Great information. Lee, you touched on faith. And that's something that you speak on and practice in your own life about this connection between spirituality, whatever that looks like for people.

15:02But it's part of that whole health and wellness space and physical health. How are these two elements intertwined in your approach, both in your personal and professional life? You know, when I first started my business, in hindsight, I kind of am ashamed because I tried very hard to separate them.

15:29You know, you're taught, especially in America, to separate church and state in everything that you do. Going to school, we don't talk about religion unless you go to a private school. You know, you don't talk about politics, just things of that nature. But in reality, when you separate the two, it's actually damaging to you.

15:54So when I started my business, I would be scared to implement God in the middle of it. And I kid you not, probably a year in from me starting my business, God was like, ha-ha, try again. And you're going to implement me. Life lessons, for sure. Definitely. You're going to implement me everywhere. But as I kept growing and growing, I realized that when I stopped separating my faith from food and my life challenges, everything kind of really just started to change.

16:29One of the things I like to say is prayer without discipline in your body leaves you drained. But nourishing your body without anchoring your spirit really leaves you kind of empty. And I guess the best example of that is when we stop to eat, whether you're intentional or if it's just a habit, is you praying. Yeah, we're praying to cover the hands that prepared the food, whether they were you or someone else, so that it doesn't hurt or damage our bodies.

16:59But it also should be stopping you to be intentional about the food that you're nourishing your body with and how it's resonating with your temple. And that should be the same thing that you do in every other aspect of your life. I used to be extremely good about, you know, if I'm going to send an email or if I'm going to answer a text message or if I'm going to respond for something business, God, if this is for me, let it be for me and let it grow and flourish.

17:26And if it's not for me, make me yield at it so that way I don't move forward. And that's something that I used to be extremely intentional about. Again, in the season that I'm in, it gets a little bit more complicated to remember that. But I think this was also a great reminder is just having a conversation with God at every turn of my life. And I think people doing that really will change your life and it'll actually help you on your health and wellness journey. Yeah, and a time to practice gratitude.

17:52And as we know, when life can feel so overwhelming, just falling back on that can lighten the mood even for a second. And I know we all need that sometimes. Definitely. It's actually really the heart of my framework for your version of healthy is how you put together your faith, your nutrition, your movement, and your mindset. So, yes.

18:17Yes. And, Lee, you've worked with a wide variety of clients. And so you don't have to name anyone specifically, but who is the most fun or memorable to work with? You don't have to say names if you're not comfortable, but just what made that experience memorable for you? Oh, wow. I don't mind. Actually, probably one of the most impactful clients that I feel like I've had is a lady named Samantha Gibson.

18:50I don't know how she may feel about the reference I'm about to say, but unfortunately, I don't think enough people know who she is, and at least not for the right reason. She is actually the ex-wife of Tyrese Gibson, the singer, songwriter, and actor. Yes, I'm a big fan. But most people don't know her for the right reason. She's a wonderful, wonderful person.

19:19And she actually helped me realize a piece of the unicorn that I am and the gifts that God has given me. So I think me having the opportunity to work with her for almost two years as her nutritionist, and I meal prepped all of her meals for that entire time as well. She was probably one of my most impactful and favorite clients personally and professionally.

19:46Very cool. So a client that became a lifelong friend. 100%. 100%. I have gotten the opportunity to not only work with her, but friends and family members, which was a blessing at the same time. Yes, and I love that connection through food because even just the act of eating is a communal experience. But in this busy life that we lead, a lot of people eat by themselves or rushed in a car.

20:14I mean, I've certainly been guilty of that many times. But just this idea of sitting together, having conversations, enjoying what you're eating, enjoying company, really is what I think life should be about. And we need more moments like that. Definitely. I mean, you know, history repeats itself, but not always in the best ways. And one of the ways that I wish history would repeat itself is us taking the time to sit down at the table and literally eat with your family or your loved ones, having conversations.

20:49It calms your nervous system. It gives you a voice of reason. It helps you want to push forward on the positive things. And it helps your food digest. And we don't think of these things this way. We're too busy stuck in our phones and our laptops or iPads or in a TV, and it doesn't serve us any purpose at all. And as someone who's worked with children and families, that is usually something I talk about is sitting together as much as possible with the family or with your kids at the table.

21:24But as we know, when you become an empty nester, often it's just sometimes a lot of alone time when you are eating. So how has this shift changed for you in terms of how you shop and prep and cook? It is actually not as hard as everyone thinks. And that's probably one of the fun things that I get to do is getting to teach others how to stop saying, I don't have time to cook for myself something healthy or it's impossible or I don't know how because I'm used to cooking for such a big family.

22:07That's probably one of the most fun parts of my job. When you're cooking for one or two people, the key is rotation, not repetition. So we're used to buying a pack of meat and this pack of meat is now going to be the dinner that we eat and it's going to feed, you know, this family of two, three, four, five plus and that's it.

22:36Well, now you just have to rotate it. It's okay to cook that pack of meat or prep that pack of meat and put it into small portions. And now it becomes something that you use for multiple days or multiple meals. So, for instance, remember I told you one of my favorite foods right now is sweet potatoes. So yesterday I diced my sweet potatoes, I seasoned my sweet potatoes and I put them in the oven.

23:04So part of that became a Buddha bowl for last night's dinner. I love, that's my favorite dish, Buddha bowls. I have a thing with Buddha bowls and fauble, like everything. But then I took some more of those diced sweet potatoes and used them for breakfast this morning along with my cilantro and blueberries. That was like my carb underneath my eggs.

23:30And then for lunch, I sprinkled it on some of my salad. So, you know, it's just, it's okay to still put a larger meal. But now instead of it just being one main meal for everyone to eat, you're now just taking it, you're breaking it down and sprinkling it over different meals. But it's really not as hard as you think. Like, I also teach, like, clients to put meals together on one pan, put them in the oven, walk away, go take a shower, get your clothes prepped for the next day, text your loved ones or check on the kids while they're away at college.

24:11Yes, shape pan dinners. Yes, come back and it's all done. Like, people make cooking and eating healthy so much more complicated than what it really is. Yeah, and I love that you can have even more autonomy and creativity over the meals that you make because it's everything that you want without extra voices or opinions, right? Definitely. Yeah.

24:36I don't have to worry about, see, I eat completely different from not only my children or my spouse. I eat completely different from my entire family. For my own set of reasons, I don't eat land animals at all. And I very rarely consume dairy, again, for my own set of reasons. But I no longer had to worry about, okay, cooking this for the kids and then cooking this for myself.

25:04So to me, that's joy. I get to cook with pleasure what I want to eat when I want to eat it. Yeah. And again, tapping into that creativity, especially as we get older, just brings that element of joy in life too. Yes. Lee, what are your rituals for, whether it's stillness, to stay grounded, to feel a sense of peace and calm?

25:32What are some things that you do? That's a really great question. And honestly, that has probably changed more now than it has ever. It used to be running. I will still claim I'm an avid runner, although I haven't ran in a while. But running for me is a huge sense of grounding because I'm able to utilize all five senses while running.

26:02And I know that sounds really weird, but I truly can. I'm able to feel the ground that's underneath me and take control of it. I'm able to smell the senses or things that are around me, which makes different memories. And see the scenery around me, whether it's buildings that I didn't recognize that were there, or whether it's watching people hold hands as they walk down the street, or birds or dogs or whatever it is.

26:31And I'm able to kind of listen to everything that's around me, no matter if I'm in the city, or if I'm at a campsite, whatever it is. Like running to me allows me to use all five of my senses, which is part of what grounding is, is using all five of your senses to really slow down and understand where you are, kind of just recenter yourself. But lately, it's really just been grounding through walking in the grass and feeling the earth underneath me and the way that the terrain feels, or sticking my feet in water at a lake, or just sitting outside and reading a book, or just talking to God,

27:16or just stopping and being still and putting my hand over my heart and my other hand over my stomach and just really breathing with intention. So those are kind of like the things that I do daily, because it really just stops me and helps me get through any of the amazing, great moments that I may have. But also, that's the things that I'm grieving over, whether it's my kids being gone constantly, or the loss that I recently have, or just anything else that's just bothering me.

27:46So grounding is really, really important for me. And it's something that I hold very dear to me on a regular basis. It's actually one of my tattoos that I have on my body says breathe. And it's because I breathe with intention more than anything. Wow. I mean, that was such a powerful explanation. And as you were explaining the running part, I was thinking back to, we know about sitting meditation.

28:11I've even learned about walking meditation. But the way you explained running, I mean, that is a form of meditation in itself, because you just explain how you tap into your five senses. And so how interesting, because often we think of running as a distraction, or you're going at such a fast pace. So it could be a form of escapism. But the way you just described it is you're coming back to the present moment. And I thought that's really fascinating.

28:36I've never heard of it described in that way. But now I fully understand why there are probably so many runners, especially as people get older, and it becomes their form of meditation. Yes, 100%. And then with all of the things that we've been talking about, you know, as we get older, and, you know, the whole authenticity piece, and sitting with yourself, and tapping into your own inner voice, there are emotional blocks.

29:05And so what are some of these struggles or blocks that you see women face in this transition phase? And then how would you guide them towards feeling whole? Well, I think one of the biggest blocks is feeling like you're selfish for investing in yourself. It's like, if you take a moment, like when your children are little, you feel selfish when you step away to go to use the restroom, and your child comes knocking at the door, and you feel bad if you don't open the door to them.

29:49It's because it's like, they're whining, or they're crying, and it's like, oh, I'm their mom. So it's my job to like self, to help them self-soothe, or to soothe them. So let me just open a door, even though I really just need to focus on myself and do whatever I need to do at that moment, right? Yes, yes. So I think that we stay stuck in that moment of it's not okay for me to really invest in myself.

30:18And in all honesty, you are doing yourself a disservice by not investing in yourself. And how you choose investing in yourself, whether that's going to get my nails done, or sitting down and reading a book, or experimenting on a meal that you saw on a cooking show, or going to a farmer's market because you want to see what the hype is instead of a grocery store.

30:47Whatever that looks like, it's okay for you to really invest in yourself, figure out the things that you do like, you don't like, things you want to try and not try. I think one of the biggest blessings that I did for myself, like I always traveled more for work than anything, but I really invested in traveling internationally for myself as well as for work, or when I'm traveling for work, exploring for myself and really understanding what else is out there that I didn't know.

31:21So I have new life experiences for myself and for my kids and for my grandkids to come. Like that is a really big thing. And I think that people have to really just take a moment to really invest in yourself. You're not being selfish by doing so. You wind up being a stronghold and a sense of, oh, I can do this if my mom does it too type of vibe.

31:47Oh my gosh. Yes. Goosebumps that you can't see, but yes, to everything that you just said. And for me, it took me a while to really be able to differentiate between being selfish and being self-absorbed, because often self-absorbed just means that you miss everything around you. But air quote selfish could mean you're just stepping away from the noise. You're quieting the chaos around you just to be able to reset and recharge that whole oxygen mask analogy.

32:16Because if you're not doing that, then you're also not able to give to others. So you almost have to put yourself first when you can and find ways that will bring you back to your own sense of self before you can go out in the world and do everything that you need to do. Yes. Lee, where can our listeners find out more about you? Because I know with all of the wealth of knowledge, we want to keep this connection and all of this information going.

32:46Um, you can find me the easiest on my website, which is A as in Apple, S as in Sam, O as in Oscar, H as in Henry, lifestyle.com, which is A-S-O-H lifestyle.com, which will direct you to all of my social media platforms. But if you're someone who's not into websites and really just like paying attention to social media, it's Chef Lee M and that's Chef C-H-E-F Lee L-E-I-G-H M as in Mary on all platforms.

33:20But if I may, I would love to give your listeners three things to walk away with and hopefully can reconnect with me on my social media at the same time. Yes. So, the first thing would be is I challenge you to pick one color a day. That one color is something that you eat different every day. Just try something that's different in color because you'd be surprised how much it changes your mood.

33:48Your second thing is, is that I want you to start your morning with magnesium. Pumpkin seeds, leafy greens, sweet potatoes. It really will shift your energy and give you a sense of calm. And then the last thing is, is I want you to pick one thing every Sunday to be like your purpose check.

34:12And this week, I would love for you to find your purpose in a community or a person that will help alter your mood and your health and wellness shift for the positive. And whoever that person is, if you feel comfortable, I want you to post them and then tag me in it. That's your accountability.

34:38That you find someone that will always help you to connect and stay healthy and will hold you accountable every day or at least every week. So, you can stay strong and healthy to build towards your health and wellness that you want to get to. Incredible. And I'm going to be participating in that as well. So, so many gems, but definitely ending with that one. Lee, I want to thank you so, so much for being here on the podcast, sharing your expertise, your warmth, practical advice with our listeners.

35:11I mean, your passion for empowering people truly shines. And I cannot thank you enough for this conversation. Thank you so very much for having me. I look forward to continue to connect with you and listening to you as I love listening to you. And I'm excited for you to keep going and having the most amazing people on your podcast for all of us to learn something that will take us into another version of our own health.

35:37Oh, my goodness. Present company most included. And I know that our audience will walk away feeling inspired and more confident. I know I already do. And I look forward to our Instagram live, which I will share shortly. And I know I will welcome you back again soon. So thank you so much, Lee. Thank you so much. You have a wonderful day.

36:01And I look forward to seeing you on our live. You as well. And to all of our listeners, thank you as always for tuning in. Until next time. Thank you for listening to the Baby Steps Nutrition Podcast with your host, Argavan N. We hope you enjoyed our deep dive into all the tips and tricks you and your family can use to make daily life a little easier.

36:29If you enjoyed this episode and you'd like to support the podcast, please leave a rating and review, share with others, and follow us on social media. Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter at Baby Steps Nutrition Podcast. As always, you can head over to BabyStepsNutrition.com to sign up for our email list, as well as check out all the links and resources in the show notes.

36:56See you next time. Tune in. Feel great.